Bad Spanish

A friend recently asked for her ice cream in a 'coño' illustrating the dangers of bad Spanish. If you don't know what 'coño' means, ask a Spanish friend, an adult friend...when there are no kids around.

There is hope, however, as the following video shows, this guy managed to write this amazing song, after just one semester (that is a 'term' to us Brits) of Spanish classes. Enjoy the "One Semester of Spanish Spanish Lovesong. "

Home Office Encourages Young Brits To Have Casual Sex Abroad!

The Home Office has come under fire for "encouraging young Brits to have casual sex while abroad" by publishing ads which are "pornographic" according to Tory MP Julian Brazier. Can you imagine? Our poor, innocent babies being brow-beaten into having sex on holiday...by the Home Office! The horror! What next? The Department of Health forcing them to neck a bottle of vodka before going out each night? The Foreign Office encouraging them to headbutt German tourists?

Get real! It is hard to imagine what could make young Brits abroad have MORE sex! Certainly a few mildly racy ads from the Home Office aren't going to make the blindest bit of difference. Julian Brazier must have led a very sheltered life if he thinks they are 'pornographic'.

We are talking about BRITISH youngster here guys, you know, the ones with the highest rate of pregnancy, drug use, venereal disease...you name a vice and they do it more than pretty much anyone else, apart from the odd Tory MP that is.

According to the Government News Network 3% of young Brits lose their virginity while on their first holiday abroad without their parents. My only surprise is that the number is so low, we can only assume that is because the other 97% are hardened sexual veterans by the time they hit 18.

Sticky Vicky of Benidorm

"Sticky Vicky" is the stage name of a true ambassador of British culture. For at least 20 years she has represented the very best of British...by pulling all manner of objects from her vagina.

An institution of Benidorm, Sticky Vicky performed her sex show it into her late sixties, and may still be going strong! If anybody has any news let us know. Some have even suggested that her daughter has followed her into the family business, how dare Spaniards say us Brits are not family oriented!

See the video below, not for the feint hearted...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7G2bm8avvcc

The Tackiest Brits Abroad?

Maybe there is a cheesier pair of Brits abroad, but I doubt it. These two have all the best British qualities; humility, dignity, taste and style!

Click on the link below to visit their website. For best effect make sure your sound is on.

http://www.theeuesdens.com/

Have you ever seen such a natural beauty as our Mich though? And how much do you think it cost them to rent the ferrari? As much as it cost to buy her wigs?

Please have a look at the 'Personally Speaking' section, if only to get a look at Steve in his dashing pink sports coat. Do you think he got the song mixed up and wore a white carnation? Still they both impart some real pearls of wisdom and anybody who is going to make that kind of contribution to mankind should not be laughed at. Shame on us!

Thank you Steve and Michel.

BREAKING NEWS: According to this blog the Eusdens aren't just conceited and tacky, but are dishonest as well. Of course BritsPain doesn't have any opinion on whether they are dodgy or not, we stay above such things.

Briton says he should not have been allowed on flight drunk

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Steven Handy, a 32-year-old British man who is standing trial for allegedly assaulting an Airtours flight attendant, has said that he should never have been allowed to board the aircraft when people could see he was drunk.

Handy told a court in Malaga, Spain, where he is being tried, that he had drunk nearly all of a one litre bottle of vodka before the flight. He testified that he has now found God and brought a Bible to the court to give to the injured flight attendant, Fiona Weir, as a sign of his 'repentance and Christian love', according to PA News.

Handy is accused of being abusive during a flight from London-Gatwick airport to Spain in October 1998 and of breaking a bottle over Weir's head when she told him that he would be met by police in Spain. It is also alleged that Handy stabbed Weir in the back with the broken bottle - however Handy denies this charge. Weir, who is 33, is scarred for life and no longer able to work. Prosecution lawyers are seeking a six-year jail sentence. Handy claims that Weir has pursued the case for compensation and that he never intended to hurt her.

Handy, who was extradited from Britain in November 2000, will be notified of the judge's decision in prison some time during May.

Spaniards in Spain!

At a Costa Blanca resort recently a group of eight British tourists complained to their rep and decided to go home early. The complaint? Wait for it..."Too many Spanish in the resort." Apparently the town was full of 'em!

The rep involved confirmed the incident and said this was not the first time they had received this type of complaint. Too many Spaniards? Who were they expecting? Fins? Swedes (at least they are blonde mate!) or just more low-life, chavvy yobs wanting to get pissed and sing karaoke and puke on the pavement on the way home?

This epitomises the attitude of so many Brits in Spain, they want Butlin's in the sunshine, and don't want any dirty dagos spoiling their holiday by drinking in moderation and behaving in a dignified manner. "Who the 'ell do they fink they are? Goin' on 'oliday in their own country!"